So Wednesday afternoon I had a job interview at Logos Bible Software. It did not go well. They waited until Thursday morning to email my rejection, but it was not surprising. It was hands-down, the most awkward interview of my life.
This is no reflection on Logos. I use their software and highly recommend it. The people conducting my interview are all great at their jobs. I respect them highly. The founder of the company and author of Fire Someone Today, Bob Pritchett, was there. I had hoped for the sequel: Hire Someone Today. It was not to be. I failed to impress Bob or any of the other major players in the room. I am not bitter and I think they made the right decision.
Was I qualified for the position I applied for? Yes. Would I have done good work there? Absolutely. Would I have risen to the challenges of that environment? Without a doubt. Was I the best person for the job? Nope.
The most nerve-wracking part of the interview is forever burned in my mind:
Interviewer: You say you have attention to detail, do you mean grammar or something else?
Me: [Feeling that the hammer was about to fall]: While I’ve written a lot. . .
Interviewer: because I see three mistakes on the first page of your resumé. The third sentence is a run on sentence and needs a comma, you have a sentence with two spaces after the period when all other sentences have one and there is a missing period after your third bullet point when you have one after your first, second, and fourth.
Me: [Shock and embarrassment]
Interviewer 2: I also see some formatting issues here. . .
The rest of the interview wasn’t that bad, but I clearly did not wow the crowd. When I recovered from the shock of the interview, my only reaction was to laugh. They must have enjoyed watching me squirm.
I think I wanted this job to work out because I would be doing something related to my field of study. I have an M.Div and I sell animal feed and nipple extractors at the local hardware store. It is good, honest work, but ultimately I don’t feel like it is what I was born to do. I believe my gifts lie in preaching and teaching and pastoral care. I looked at Logos as a step in the right direction and something to do in the meantime. I would get to help craft theological and biblical resources. It seemed great. But parts of the job would have been a poor fit for me.
I would have been working on video lectures and preparing them for release by crafting online text which complemented the lecture. I could have done this but I’m not sure this work would have nourished my true self. I long to nurture, to care for, to proclaim, to excite, to instigate. I love to spend time writing, reading, studying and learning but where it comes alive for me is when I get to share what I learn with others. I am relational to the bone. I would have loved aspects about the job and I am sure (even if Logos wasn’t) that I would have excelled at it. But that work is not what I was born to do.
When we were done my five interviewers all sprinted from the room, leaving me to show myself out. So for the moment I remain the most theologically educated hardware employee in the city of Blaine.
thoughts, prayers & songs: 
That interviewer was out for blood! I’ll never forget an interview I had with blockbuster video in which the manager looked at me and said, “well, we think you could handle working here.” He thinks? I smoothly managed two college residence halls, supervised 330+ college students and 9 staff for 4 years. I also used to do 24/7 crisis management which had me intervening in drug busts, suicide attempts and all kinds of wildness. And he was worried about me running a video store? I empathize with your desire to do the work of your heart/call, but I’ll refrain from offering any trite rationale for why it hasn’t happened yet. Press on my friend!
Well Blockbuster has its own challenges. I mean a movie like Princess Bride. . .is it a comedy, romance, or epic adventure story? You can coordinate people but can you demagnetize the security tags so that it doesn’t beep when customers try to go through the door (most Blockbuster employees struggle with this)? Also are you capable of giving people a look of snobbish contempt for their choice of movie?
Seriously though, thanks. I am not too broken up about this. I think this is season of growing in trust (and maybe humility). Hope you are well!
Oh friend. Does it help to know that I’m folding and stapling paper with my M.Div? Probably not… Maybe it helps to know that I once got turned down for a job picking up road-kill? They found someone with more experience. It’s so hard to have a strong sense of call… and no remunerated work to help you move toward it. Of course you’re involved in preaching, teaching, and pastoral care right now – in many ways – but it’s harder to see that, and to keep going (speaking to myself now as well) when there’s not a paycheck at the end of the month telling you that someone valued your work with their hard earned cash. I’m finding it’s a bit of a self-worth issue. I feel more worthy, and like I’m moving farther in life, when someone is paying me to do the work I feel called to… but in reality, I am doing that work, in a variety of contexts… I just feel like I’m not because my self-worth is inappropriately tied up in financial success and public accolades. Something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Now you may go back and note all the grammatical mistakes in the paragraph above.
Thanks Stacey! They did me the honor of seriously considering me (it was a final round interview). Still I surprised myself by how little this rejection stung. I think a part of me knew it was a poor fit all along. In other news, I started looking at churches again. 🙂
I did get that from your post – and I’m glad. I guess I’m struggling more with the generalities of “God, you’ve called me to do something… now where’s the opportunity to do it!” It’s a frustrating place – but maybe not quite the place you’re in. We’ll let you know how the “women in ministry” discussion goes in the EFCC… there’s quite a few openings in our district – but then again, if they vote against allowing women to be ordained, I’m not sure how long we’ll stay, and I’m not sure you’d want to come. 😉