Get Naked . . . and Unashamed: a book review

My wife and I have been married for 16 years. Over that time, and in my role as an erstwhile and intermittent pastor, I have read my share of marriage books. There are some good ones, but a lot of them are pretty terrible. I am always on the hunt for a good marriage book which will help couples, especially those who are engaged, think about how to be married, and do it well, particularly from a Christian faith perspective. So I was pretty excited to read Naked and Unashamed by Jerry & Claudia Root with Jeremy Rios. Naked and unashamed are literally my two favorite ways to be married! I’m kidding (no I’m not).

Naked-and-UnashamedJerry Root was Jeremy Rios’s mentor and professor when he attended Wheaton College.  The material in this book parallels the material which Jerry and Claudia had used for Jeremy and his wife Liesel’s premarital counseling. Later when Jeremy became a pastor, they used this same material for premarital counseling with other engaged couples, corresponding with Jerry to fill in the gaps in what he was missing in their notes. Jerry had a manuscript for a book he and Claudia wrote which he sent Jeremy to use in counseling. Jeremy used it in counseling, refined it and helped prepare the material for publication. As Rios says, “Jerry and Claudia’s wisdom is the beating heart of the book, and it is the wisdom I have sought to inhabit and live in my own marriage” (201).  The Roots bring wisdom won by 42 years of marriage. Jeremy and Liesel Rios have been married for 14 years.

The premise of the book is that marriage asks each of us to reveal ourselves wholly to our spouses. Rios and Roots encourage couples to open up about our histories, our understandings, our spiritual lives, our understanding and experience of gender, our expectations for family and parenting, expectations of finances, and of course, sex.  The hope is that women and men would enter into marriage fully, holding nothing back from their spouse, and entering into the sort of relational covenant which God intended for marriage.

Rios and the Roots describe this opening up and revealing’ in four sections of their book. In part 1,  they describe undressing the areas that allow for greater relational intimacy for couples: sharing our stories (personal histories), our hearts (how we give and receive love), our minds (our goals and dreams), and our souls (our relationship with God). In part 2, they unpack gender, dynamics of communication and woundedness, Part 3 is about exploring expectations shaped by our family and cultural identities (race, nationality, etc), our expectations about parenthood and child raising, and finances.  Part 4, intentionally left to the end, describes undressing our sexual selves for the life of sex, and expectations for the wedding night.

The Roots and Rios operate from a conservative, evangelical perspective on marriage and they say a lot that is really helpful. In fact every area they address, or. . . ahem . . . undress, is necessary for the type of life sharing which enables the sort of covenantal life-sharing where the two become one. There is not a single area they discuss, which is unimportant. Part 1 of their book  “Unmasking for Intimacy” is really good and they say some wonderful things about exploring each others’ histories, how we express intimacy, our life goals, and our spiritual life. They also explore communication well, drawing on the research of John Gottman. Throughout the book, the chapters each end with an assignment for couples to explore together their thoughts on the topic. A couple who reads this book on their own or in the context of premarital counseling would share with one another their hopes and hang-ups, expectations and understanding. This is all really good stuff.

This is a book I could use as a pastor in leading others through premarital counseling, but not without some caveats. I didn’t agree with everything Rios and the Roots had to say. For example, I am a Biblical egalitarian, and what I read in the chapter on gender advocated a sort of soft complementarianism, advocating for gender roles, where my tendency is to see mutuality. They quote Ephesians 5:22-33 to show that wives are called to “submit” and husbands are called to “sacrifice” (73-74), without referencing Ephesians 5:21 which describes mutual submission and supplies the whole ‘submit’ verb for the phrase, “wives submit to your husband” in Ephesians 5:22—the more literal rendering being simply, ‘wives, to your husband’. They describe male headship as the husband getting to cast the final vote if the couple is at loggerheads and can’t agree on a big decision(76). However, the Roots and Rios do present their views on gender humbly and acknowledge you could be complementarian, egalitarian, or not identify with either camp and have a successful marriage “so long as you acknowledge the complexities of gender, discuss them together and are striving to love one another sacrificially according to the command of Scripture” (74).

One of my pet peeves about marriage books is that I don’t always find myself in their description of the characteristics of ‘the genders.’ Now, I am a cis-gender heterosexual man, and not a particularly feminine one, but whenever someone says ‘men are more like this’ and ‘women generally are more like this,’ I discover I am the exception to their rule. Rios and the Roots do this a little bit, sometimes gendering things which were perplexing for me, such as making Paul’s instruction in Ephesians 4:26 a  description of how the  genders get angry (103-105): “Be angry, but do not sin (men lash out), and do not let the sun go down on your anger (women hold grudges). I didn’t find this description of the male and female halves of anger a helpful distinction at all.  I can hold a grudge with the best of them.

Another area some will find disagreeable is their discussion of the discipline of children, they make the case for physical punishment of kids, ” One of the principles of the world, it seems evident that where you will not be taught by reason or reward you will be taught by pain. This is simply a principle of how the world operates and in parenting we are instructing our children in these rules” (144-45).  How they frame it, they are careful to underscore the purpose of discipline (training a child) and they bracket out an abusive lashing out, but readers who are suspicious of the value of corporal punishment will disagree on this point.

But agreeing with the Roots and Rios on every point is not the point. The point is getting naked . . . and unashamed. There is a lot of wisdom in what the Roots and Rios discuss here, and even when you disagree with the authors, they have framed the discussion so couples can explore together what their convictions are and understand each other in each of these areas. I give this four stars. ★ ★ ★ ★

Notice of material connection: I received a copy of this book from Paraclete Press in exchange for my honest review. I also know Jeremy Rios, having attended Regent College with him.

 

The Fulsome Imagination of Lewis: a book review

According to Jerry Root and Mark Neal, Lewis wrote in at least seventeen  literary genres: apologetics, autobiography, educational philosophy, essays, fairy stories, journal, letters, literary criticism, literary history, lyric poetry, narrative poetry, the novel, religious devotion, satire, science fiction, short story, and translation (03). Is there a thread that runs through these each of these genres? Root & Neal say Imagination. In The Surprising Imagination of C.S. Lewis, they provide a taxonomy of the various ways Lewis employs imagination (or warns of its misuse).
9781426795107Lewis’s various genres showcase different aspects of hisimagination. “He wrote in a literary form that helped him best set forth a certain body of idea”(4). Root & Neal divide their exploration of Lewis’ imagination along generic lines, exploring first his non-fiction (autobiography, religious writing and literary criticism) under the heading of “Imagination and the Literature of the Mind.” Part 2, “Imagination and the Literature of the Heart, looks at Lewis’s fiction and poetry. Of course the aspect of imagination described in each of Root and Neal’s chapters may exist in multiple works of Lewis (and genres) but they chose a principle work which highlights what they wanted to say about Lewis’s imagination, and citing other Lewis lit along the way.

Part 1 showcases hoe Lewis employed imagination to orient himself toward reality. His autobiography, Surprised by Joy, reveals a baptized imagination–regenerate and oriented toward the discovery of God (16). Mere Christianity exemplifies Lewis’s use of shared imagination: creativity that connects and communicates with his audience (17, 28). The satisfied imagination ‘”delights in the familiar the simple, the mundane, and the repetitive in a manner that brings our minds back to the eternal source of order and repetition”(31). Letters to Malcom Chiefly on Prayer provide the lens for mundane imagining. Lewis’ literary criticism in An Experiment in Criticism and The Discarded Image explore the awakened imagination and the realizing imaginationThe awakened imagination is an ‘invitation to break out of the dungeon of self’ and awaken to new ideas (57). In The Discarded Image Lewis described the medieval cosmology and how their worldview determined their vision, and their interpretation of  the past. Lewis exploration helps us evaluate the past and present, and gives us space to question our own assumptions.

In part 2, we see that not all of Lewis’s descriptions of the  imagination are positive. He begins cheerily enough by describing the penetrating imagination of A Horse and His Boy (which employs metaphor to give us a deeper knowledge of a reality), the material imagination of The Voyage of the Dawn Treader and examines the primary imagination in  Out of the Silent Planet (our use of the five senses to understand and interpret the world). But imagination can take a dark turn. That Hideous Strength describes Lewis’s idea of the generous imagination [the] deificaiton of an idea or thing to the point that borders on adoration or vilification. Simply put it seeks to embellish a thing beyond what it deserves. Its effect is to weaken the self and narrow the soul” (121). The Great Divorce explores the transforming imagination through its characters—a projected, overidealized and inflated expectation of the objects of our affection which leads inevitably to disappointment and disenchantment. The Screwtape Letters take us deeper into the realm of projection (and hell) by showcasing a controlled imagination which projects one’s self-seeking desires on others (155). Root and Neal end on a happier note, showing how Lewis’s poetry provide a lens for the absorbing imagination—a synthesis between old ideas and new consciousness which transcends our own particularity (171). An appendix explores additional use of imagination by C.S. Lewis.

Anyone who has gone through the wardrobe with Lewis, or read his religious writings knows he was a deeply imaginative man with a broad intelligence. Root and Neal do an excellent job of exploring and naming the various ways that Lewis employed imagination. But I don’t like the title. Lewis’ imagination was comprehensive, far-reaching  and full-orbed. But surprising? If you have read Lewis at all, you aren’t all that surprised by Lewis’s imagination and penetrating insights.

But my misgivings about the title (which may not even be Root’s and Neal’s fault), shouldn’t put you off. An exploration of Lewis’s fulsome imagination is worthwhile and Root and Neal summarize ideas and analyze how Lewis employed them. This book will enhance your understanding of Lewis and deepen your appreciation of his writing. Root and Neal make good use of Lewis’ scholarship and shows what one mans imaginings reveal. I give this four-and-a-half stars.

Note: I received this book from the publisher through Handlebar Media in exchange for my honest review.